And so, the cherry blossom wilts
by 0LilyOfTheValley0
Summary: "I could see the cherry blossom tree that he had planted for me in our yard... It's wilting..."
1. Chapter 1

**And so, the cherry blossom wilts**

CHAPTER 1

The opiate smell of rain and locust trees helped lift the fog from my mind. I love the rain. The way the rhythm of the falling drops consumes my mind completely, and I dose of somewhere peaceful, where I can't think. A dash of damp wind blew the restless lock of hair from my face. That wind which somehow absorbed the gentle, usually barely noticeable, scents of the surrounding trees and flowers, enhanced by the rains scent, I believe can heal any soul. At least for a little while.

If only I could be out there right now, feeling the cool drops. I put my hand out the window to see a small drop evaporate from my hot skin. The fever still didn't go down. Guilt has been consuming me ever since I got sick. In the worst moments it chokes me, and I can feel the air rapidly disappearing from my lungs. Do I really put all of myself into recovering? I don't know…. Maybe I did at first, but now I'm just so tired of watching my reflection in the mirror fade. As each day passes I blend in more with the white walls, that have become my cage. It makes me laugh when I remember the energy and liveliness I had just a year back. It's hard to believe that that playful, strong girl now barely has strength to hold her head up straight.

''This is my fourth time checking up on you. You haven't moved from the window in an hour. Please close it and come to bed, the wind is really cold and I'm scared it'll make you worse.''

''Okay, I'll be there in 5 minutes.''

I could feel his look burning on my head, but I couldn't dare to turn around and see those eyes. Their current color is a far cry from what they used to be. All the light they once had, is being extinguished. Kind of like a dark, foggy veil is covering that beautiful, bright sky blue. When I look at them I can see the utter despair and it never fails to bring sickness to my stomach.

I close the window, and slowly walk to our room to find him pretending to be asleep. Even though his eyes are firmly shut and his breathing is perfect, he still twitched when he heard me walking into the room. I climbed into bed carefully, and closed my eyes praying the nightmares will skip at least this one night.

It is always the same dream: A beautiful sunny day, just a few perfectly white clouds in the sky, with a mildly cold breeze. I'm sitting on the bench in our backyard, covered with a blanket. There's an old grey-haired man sitting across me, looking at me with familiar eyes. He looks so tired and defeated. He slowly walks over, cups my face with his hand and carefully, as if I'm the most fragile thing in the world, plants a gentle kiss on my forehead while muttering:

''I love you.''

And every night, all over again, with newfound terror I realize that it's Naruto.

Sometimes I wake up screaming, though I don't remember it afterwards. I wouldn't even know I do it if I didn't overhear him saying it to Tsunade one time. Luckily I couldn't see his face then, but I think I heard his voice cracking at the end. And that sound hurt far worse than any injury I've ever had.

And with that thought I finally fell asleep while quietly sobbing guilt-ridden tears into my pillow, praying that he won't really waste his whole life on me.

A wave of coolness spreads across my forehead. I pull my hand up, and discover a big hand is causing this.

''Mmmm…''

'' Oh crap, I woke you up, I'm so sorry, please go back to sleep.''

He tries to move it away, but I press it firmer against my forehead.

''Please don't go.'' I somehow managed to mutter. My eyes felt watery again, I didn't dare to open them, afraid of the tears, but I still felt something warm slowly glide across my cheek.

''Don't worry, I'll always be here.'' That was it, I couldn't stop the tears any longer, and I started sobbing, yet again, like a little child.

He lay in the bed, never releasing my forehead, and put his other arm around my waist. He pulled me closer, kissing my hair, incessantly whispering ''I'll never leave you '' and ''I love you''. The coldness of his body felt so good, like it was healing me, so I placed my hot cheek on his bare chest, managing to quietly murmur ''Thank you'' before passing out.

I'm not sure what woke me up, but when I opened my eyes, it was still dark. The room, and its coldness would usually scare me this late at night. Even though I spent a lot of time here, lately I would feel uninvited, has if I had stolen someone's place, like I was poisoning it, along with everything else I touch. I could vividly remember the accusing shadows of the furniture dancing and closing in. I couldn't understand why they were so calm now.

When I tried to stretch I felt something was holding me back-his arms were still around me. My own sun was keeping the shadows at bay. I carefully turned around, to be able to see his face. I wondered why my mouth hurt, but soon I figured out I was smiling, and couldn't stop. It's been a long time since I sincerely smiled like this, and I was surprised the muscles still remembered how to do it. He looked like a child again, so peaceful, with all his worry lines finally relaxed.

I could feel his hot breath on my face, and blood was suddenly rushing to my cheeks. I was blushing, but why? He was my husband after all, there was no need to be embarrassed. As soon as I wondered this, I realized that we haven't been this close in far too long, ever since I got sick. In the first month, or two when he'd hug me, it felt like a shadow was holding me. Far too carefully, with his arms barely touching me, always with an odd distance. Sort of like he was afraid of breaking me, or, as I think more and more often, maybe just disgusted by me. I know very well how much I've changed. I lost a lot of weight, and if he hadn't been forcing me to eat the three meals a day, I'd be a complete skeleton, rather than just resembling one. The dark bags under my eyes felt like they were engraved into my skin, without the intention of ever clearing up.

As I was getting sad, I quickly shook of these thoughts, fully concentrating on his face. What was he dreaming? Somehow I imagined ramen as the omnipresent thing, in his subconscious as well. I slowly brushed the lines on his cheek, and moved my head an inch closer to put my lips against his. I got scared for a second, wondering if I had woken him up. I moved away but saw I had no reason to worry, as he was still firmly asleep. I placed my head on his arm and dosed of again, thinking of ramen, this time with a smile on my face.

What woke me up this time (for good) was a sweet delicious smell. I immediately recognized it, as it was my favorite: scrambled eggs and French toast. How strange, I actually had an appetite for something. I didn't want to loose that feeling to nausea, so I quickly got dressed and went downstairs.

Naruto was so concentrated on the cooking he didn't even notice me walking in. The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing no shirt, just his pajamas. It sent a chill down my spine. Was it really that warm? I was wearing baggy pants, and (though not very thick) a sweater, and I still felt a bit cold. He suddenly flipped the eggs in the frying pan, like a crepe, and I couldn't believe how skilled he looked. I had no idea he puts this much effort into the food. Before we got together, all he ate was instant ramen, and milk, but I guess for my sake he learned a few extra things.

He was just about to begin setting the food on a breakfast tray when I said: ''Thanks, but no need for that, I'll eat here.''

He nearly dropped a glass of orange juice, and quickly turned around.

''Crap! That was a close call.'' He sluggishly began setting the table, all the while suspiciously eyeing me.

When it was done he sat across me, and continued staring at me.

''Is something wrong? You're looking at me funny.''

''No, it's just you look sort of….. good?'' He said looking mildly surprised.

''Stop. Please. You're making me blush.''

''No, no, I'm sorry, what I meant is…..good has in….you know, healthier. Your face is kind of red though, are you sure you're alright?''

''Yeah, I actually feel a lot better, and this looks delicious by the way.'' I said while smiling and put a big piece of toast in my mouth.

While we were eating the look of suspicion on his face was slowly changing into a smile. **This happy little scene looked so familiar, it almost hurt.**

…..

''Yeah, well at least you tried.'' he said giggling like a kid.

''Hey my ramen would've been good if it….if it…''

''If it what? If it hadn't become a permanent part of the pot you were cooking it in? Come to think of it, even the noodles were burned….It takes some kind of master to have all the water they're cooked in evaporate, and then turn them black.''

'' I guarantee that if I hadn't fallen asleep then, you would've never went back to Ichiraku, cause you'd always be craving my ramen.'' I said confidently, and burst into laughter with him.

**It was too familiar, just like the first few months of our marriage, the happiest time of my life. And it was too good to last.**

I could feel it, though I was desperately trying to ignore it. I felt sick, and the nausea was back. I was trembling, and the sweater suddenly felt like no more than a thin tank top. Trying to keep off my throwing up for as long as possible, I somehow managed to get to the bathroom on time.

While I was hugging the toilet I felt (again) a cool hand on my forehead, and another one moving the hair from my sweaty face.

I tried to say: ''Please leave, you don't have to look at this again.'' but I felt a new wave making its way from my stomach, so I'm not sure how it came out.

After what felt like hours, I finally lifted my head to see what I was afraid of the most. The worried look on his face was back, and worse than ever.

Guilt came over me, and I was having trouble breathing again. It's like a giant weight is placed on my chest, sometimes lighter, but never truly gone. Why is he here, when he could be anywhere else, doing whatever he wants. While he is wasting away here, with me, he could be working on his dream, which I know could come true if only I wasn't this selfish. The only thing I wish for more than him fulfilling his dream, is to be by his side when it happens. At least before I was able to somewhat help him with some of his missions, sometimes heal him, but now I'm not just useless, I'm so much worse. I'm actually holding him back, and I'm the only thing holding him back.

He picked me up and carried me to the couch in the living room. When he was coming back with several blankets, the doorbell rang. He left the blankets on the side of the couch and went to open the door. I recognized Shikamarus voice, though I couldn't really understand what they were saying. He came back, and pain had completely taken over his features. He looked like he was in agony, and I could barely look at him without crying.

''How are you feeling?''

''Fine, what did Shikamaru want?''

''Don't ''fine'' me.'' he said checking my temperature and tucking me in three layers of blankets.

''Your fever is high again, and you're trembling. I've sent Shikamaru for Ino, he'll be back with her soon.''

''Why? We both know what's wrong, there's nothing she can do, and you're here….''

When I realized what I said I wanted to bite my tongue off. His eyes were getting watery, but no tears came out.

''I have to go on an urgent mission, Tsunade said she needs everyone available, and I can't refuse.'' he said looking at me carefully, trying not to miss, or see through, a single bit of my reaction.

But he didn't have to try so hard, I was barely holding my tears back, and I knew if I tried to say a word my voice would shatter into cries. I knew each one of my tears would be like a stab right now, before a who knows how long mission, but I wasn't sure I'll be able to keep them back.

How stupid was I? He hasn't left for a mission ever since I got sick, not once did he leave my side for longer than a few hours. How long did I think that was going to last? Tsunade-sama has been more than kind, leaving him alone all this time.

He doesn't need this now, I don't want any guilt consuming him on this mission, so I better not shed a tear.

Somehow in a normal voice, I managed to tell him to hurry and pack.

He completely ignores this and says: ''I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, but Ino will stay with you as much as possible. Do you still feel sick?''

''I feel better, really, I do, now go pack!'' My vision was getting blurrier by the second, and the tears weren't far away.

Thankfully he left, and went upstairs to get ready. I let out a big sigh, and, with the tip of a blanket, shed away a nearly escaped tear from the corner of my eye.

''He doesn't need this right now.'' I kept repeating over and over again in my head. He hasn't been on a mission in a long time, and has a hard time concentrating as it is. An image of me crying popping up in his head in the middle of a battle won't do him any good.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down, and he was suddenly next to me. I had forgotten how fast he is.

He tightly wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder, with my arms around his neck. I don't know how long we stayed like that, without moving a muscle.

The dreaded doorbell rang, but neither one of us moved. When it rang again, he cupped my face and softly kissed my forehead, and then my lips.

''I love you.'' I slowly whispered.

''I love you too, so much it scares me sometimes.''

''Promise me you'll come back in one piece….'' I said swallowing my tears.

''If you promise me you'll do everything Ino says, and that you'll get plenty of rest.'' he said with a most serious look on his face.

''Ok I promise.''

''Then I'll see you soon!'' He said and forced his famous smile on his face. And the next second he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

It was like the house instantly got darker and the room suddenly looked frighteningly empty. And before I knew it I was sobbing, and couldn't stop. At least this time I didn't have to stop, but then the doorbell rang again. I hope he isn't back because he forgot something.

''It's Ino, can I come in?''

When I finally found my voice I said: ''It's open.''

She came in, stood at the entrance of the living room for a few seconds, and then walked over to me and said :'' Move over a bit.''

When I did what she asked, she sat down and hugged me ''I'm all yours now, so cry your heart out.''

And I did. I didn't know where all the water was coming from, but when I was finally beginning to dry out, it was already getting dark outside.

I must've fallen asleep at some point as well, because even though Ino was still holding me, there were rice balls on the table.

''Oh good, you're finally drying out. Have a rice ball, they're light so they won't hurt your stomach.''

As I was nibbling on it, I realized I was feeling better, and my head was clearer. I guess all that crying, and the familiar green light I could sometimes see through the tears, actually helped a lot.

''Thank you so much Ino, I-''

''You're welcome. Now that you can talk, I have to tell you, it may be a good thing Naruto left, because you look awful!'' She said with smile on her face.

I smiled as well and asked if Shikamaru is with him.

''Yeah he is. God he's such an idiot, you won't believe what he did just before he left….''

And so she told me all about her newlywed's life, all the bickering, and silly arguments. I laughed at each story, and was really grateful to her for trying to keep my mind of Naruto for a while.

…..

''And then I said: ''You're so lazy, I wonder how you're still breathing!''

And he said, quietly, to himself, but I still heard him: ''You make me wonder why I'd still want to breath…''

I couldn't stop giggling, and my eyes were getting watery again, but this time from the laughing.

''Hey it's not funny, can you believe he said that?''

That's how we spent most of the night. When I opened my eyes, the sun was already high up, it must've been around twelve. What woke me up this time, was the doorbell.

I somehow managed to pull my legs from under Ino (who was still firmly asleep), and went for the door. But I got up so fast, I felt dizzy. When I finally opened the door, standing there was a complete stranger, but he was wearing the villages headband so I didn't worry too much. Luckily he asked for Ino, because strangely, everything was still blurry and I was afraid I'd faint. Happy to be sitting, without a danger of tripping over my own feet, I cautiously woke up Ino, and told her someone was looking for her. When she heard it was a ninja, her face immediately became more serious, and fear and worry were visible in her eyes. She must've thought of Shikamaru.

She came back looking calmer, so I relaxed a bit as well.

''He doesn't know anything about Naruto and Shikamaru, but he said Tsunade-sama called for me, and that she wants to see me now. I'll come back when I'm done with her, ok?''

''Yeah, sure. I'll see you soon.''

And with that, the house was empty again.

My throat was dry and I was thirsty, but the room was still mildly spinning. Just as I was wondering how to get to the kitchen to drink some water without greeting the floor, I noticed that Ino (god bless her soul) had left a glass of water on top of a magazine.

I felt a lot better once I drank it, so I grabbed the magazine, and started absently turning the pages. A picture of a park in the village caught my eye, and I sunk into a memory.

I was sitting on a bench, like I usually do on my breaks from the hospital, tired from a particularly touchy operation. I suddenly felt someone covering my eyes, and I instinctively turned around, gathered as much strength as I could, and felt something cracking under my fist.

''Aaaauuu!'' I recognized the voice and I felt so stupid. Who would attack me in the middle of a park? A wave of guilt was coming over me, so naturally I screamed at him.

''You idiot! Why would you do that? You're lucky all I broke was your nose!''

''I just wanted to surprise you, but I'll never make that mistake again! And I don't think that's how you talk to someone you just completely unfairly punched.'' said Naruto trying to look mad.

''I know, I know, I'm really sorry. Come sit down, so I can fix it.'' He sat down, and all the while I was healing him, he had a weird smile on his face.

''Although this green light is helping, there is this one thing that would completely cure me.''

''What's that, a bowl of ramen? And stop squirming!''

''Oh no, I'm tired of that, and what I'm asking for tastes so much better.'' I curiously raised my eyes, to see him pointing at his lips. Does he ever give up?

''The only reason I'm not going to hit you right now, is because you're already bleeding.''

''Oh, come on, do I have to get nearly killed again to get a small kiss? I'll do it, but it just takes so much work..''

I squeezed my hand into a fist, trying very hard not to ruin all the work I had just put into mending him. Of course he had to bring that up again. Just a month ago, while we were on a mission, he got badly injured (or so I thought!) and for some reason while I was treating him and crying my eyes out, I bent down and kissed him.

''The next time you mention that I'll really kill you.''

When I was almost done, I looked at his face. He looked disappointed, and was sulking!

''Oh fine-'' and before I could say another word he was already kissing me. I tried to move away but he was firmly holding my face. He finally let me go, and the stupid smirk on his face immediately changed into a worried look when he realized I was crying.

''Idiot! Why do you always have to cross the line!'' I screamed at him, and went back to the hospital without turning around. He's changed a lot from when he was a 13 year old kid. He had much more confidence, especially when it came to me. And actually, this was the first time he really crossed the line. Usually he'd be dancing on the edge, but never dared to cross it.

I'm not sure was I crying because of embarrassment or anger, could have been a mixture of the two. Maybe because in those few seconds he was kissing me, I didn't really fight back. Maybe it was the feeling of helplessness as I realized I had fallen for him. Of course, he came to the hospital later, and didn't stop apologizing all the while he was there. When he saw it was working, and I no longer looked mad he playfully added:

''Next time you'll have to make the first move you know.'' I tried to hit him, but I just couldn't put any feeling into it, I was just so happy he was smiling again.

What shook me out of the memory was a white silhouette carrying lemonade on a tray. I could recognize the nurses uniform anywhere.

''Um, who are you, and what are you doing here?''

''I greeted you just a few minutes ago. You seemed a bit… lost in your thoughts, but I thought you heard me. I'm Yuki, Tsunade-sama sent me to help you out, and I'll be staying with you for the next few days.''

''Oh, thank you, she really shouldn't have….But what happened to Ino?''

''She had to go on an urgent mission.''

''What? Does it have anything to do with Naruto and Shikamaru?''

''I don't know, I was just told to come here.''

''Are you sure that's all you heard? How could you not know where your colleague was sent?''

The girl was starring at me, looking a bit scared. I had to calm down, and stop attacking this poor girl, who clearly didn't know anything.

''I'm sorry, I'm just really tired. I think I'll go to sleep now.''

''It's ok, here I'll help you upstairs to your bed.''

…..

I didn't really leave the room much. Sometimes I'd go downstairs to eat, but the way Yuki would look at me, would just make me sort of angry.

She carefully looks at me, like she's just waiting for me to faint. Maybe I've become paranoid trapped in this house without him, she's really done nothing wrong, but the one thing I'm surely not wrong about is the pity. It's always present, in the way she speaks to me, and looks at me, with a sad expression on her face. Even when she'd smile politely, she can't change the look in her eyes. I don't know why it makes me angry, it's only human to feel pity towards someone like me, but either way, I try my best to avoid her.

Though my avoiding her usually works, there's no escaping this house and all its memories. They're in the little things, scattered all over the house.

When I wake up, the first thing I see is a pebble, comfortably sitting on my bedside table. It's from the night he proposed to me. Actually the first time he proposed to me.

I was soundly asleep when I heard some noises from under my window, and suddenly something flew in to the room, shattering the window glass like it's no obstacle whatsoever. I looked out what was left of the window, and for the first time ever saw Naruto completely and utterly drunk. He was picking up another pebble, not realizing that there is no more window, so I screamed at him to stop, because I was already awake.

''God you're beautiful! You know I really want to see you tonight…. Yeah I should wake you up, cause I have to tell you something important.'' he said preparing to throw the pebble at the imaginary window.

''No wait! I'll come down.''

I quickly put on a robe, came to the yard and stood right in front of him, pretty confused.

And then he started talking, I didn't understand all of it, but what I remember is this:

''What are you doing here? Actually never mind, it's a good thing you are, cause I have to tell you something important …. You know, I don't think you understand…. No, no, no, I want to tell you that….. The thing I came here to tell you…. Damn it, I can't concentrate when you're looking at me with those eyes! Do you know that when I think of you, I can never get your eye color right? Obviously they're green, but I can't compare it to anything…. It always annoys me, how I can't remember the exact color. And then when I see you, I'm never annoyed, cause I can see your eyes and they always calm me…. and I want to look at them all the time, I want to see them **every day for the rest of my life**!'' He said, screaming out the last few words, (probably the only part of his speech he got right) now kneeling and offering the pebble as an engagement ring.

Just as he said that, he passed out, and I'm pretty sure I heard him snoring.

The next day he didn't remember a thing, and I never told him, because he put so much work into the ''real'' proposal a few months later.

When I turn around on the bed, I see our picture on his bedside table. We looked ridiculous. I was smiling, with my arm wrapped obviously too tightly around his neck, and he was trying to smile, but in the end he just looked scared. We had agreed to meet up to take this picture after my hospital shift, but he of course slept in, and was an hour late.

And when I walk downstairs it doesn't get any better. In the living room, in the middle of the table is a fishing bowl. It's probably the oldest thing in this house, since it's from our first date. He won it for me on a fair, except back then, there was a goldfish in it as well. I managed to kill it after only a few days and now it's filled with some water with a water lily floating in it.

And if I dared to look outside, I could see the cherry blossom tree he had planted for me in our yard… It's wilting. I don't know why, it was perfectly healthy when Naruto brought it here as a sapling. He planted it as soon as we bought the house, and really tried his best to take care of it, but as soon as it grew into a tree, it slowly started dying. I remember this one night, we were sitting on the bench looking at the stars. We actually did this quite often, usually when one of us couldn't sleep, always sitting the exact same way: with his arm around me, my head resting comfortably on his shoulder, and his cheek on my hair. He suddenly moved his head, but I was so comfortable I didn't bother moving.

''You know I just realized something.''

''What's that?'' I asked half asleep.

''I never didn't love you. I mean there was never a time when I didn't love you. Ever since we met as kids, I knew it was going to be like this, and I was right. You haven't left my mind since then.''

When I heard this I slowly raised my head to look at him.

''Don't look so serious,'' he smiled ''It was just something on my mind, just thinking how I don't know what it's like to not love you, and how happy I am that I'll never find out.''

Before he could start another sentence, I kissed him.

I'm not sure did I remember this because of what he said, or because of how we spent the rest of the night.

My chest was starting to hurt again. I miss him so much. It's like I'm myself only when I'm with him.

The chest pain was getting worse, and I started uncontrollably coughing for the next 2 minutes. When I calmed down, I noticed something on my hand. It was blood.

Somehow this didn't really surprise me. The symptoms and stages of my illness were burned in my memory since the day I was diagnosed, and no amount of healing or resting can help once I enter this stage. Up until now it was possible to postpone the inevitable, with T and In treating me every 2-3 days, and resting, but now even with them, the most I could get is a few days. I've decided a long time ago that I will spend those few last days here, in the house. I couldn't help but feel peaceful while Yuki was desperately trying to keep my heart beating, because it will all be over soon. Finally free of the guilt, with the giant weight off my chest, I'm so happy he'll be able to make his dream come true after all. I just wish I could get to see him one more time to tell him: ''Thank you.''

**A/N: This story will probably have 3 chapters, hope you like it!**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

The last thing I remember is tiredly opening my eyes to see Tsunade crying, the veins on her forehead clearly visible, as she was concentrating her chakra to try and save my life. I wonder who told her about this.

And suddenly I was able to see her from a completely different position and I could see my motionless body laying on the bed, like a doll. I raised my hand and tried to touch the wall, but it just went through. The scene didn't change much in the next few minutes. Tsunade, now worn out, was sitting on my bed, with her face in her hands. Then he came running into the room. And in that instant I realized why I was still here. To see him become the hokage. I wasn't completely myself, and I wasn't completely here. This was just a part of me, and I was just a faded memory. Since seeing my lifeless body didn't result in any emotions, I figured I couldn't feel anything the way I am now. But I should've known better, he was the only one able to make me feel, even now. He was filthy, with his clothes ripped, and his cheek was cut and bleeding. Thank god he's alive. As I was starting to feel happy that he made it back safe, before the smile could form on my face, complete terror overwhelmed me. He was standing still, next to the bed, with the empty, extinguished look in his eyes focused on my body.

''Why didn't you heal her?''

He said, after a minute or two, nearly yelling, with his voice shaking, now looking at Tsunade.

''Why did you let her die?''

''She tried her best, but it was no use, she-'' Yuki tried to say, but Narutos cold, firm voice interrupted her.

''Get out.''

''But-''

''Get out!''

Tsunade walked out quietly, with her hand still over her face, and pulled Yuki along with her.

We were alone. He was alone. He climbed into the bed, and took me in his arms, just like a few nights before. I was waiting for the tears to drip from my face, but then I realized I couldn't cry. I couldn't say anything, touch him, tell him everything will be all right. All I could do was helplessly watch what my death was doing to the love of my life.

He was now crying silently, while kissing my hair and whispering :''I love you.''. I've never felt this kind of pain before. It was like my heart was breaking all over again, every time I look at him. When the sun rose, he gently kissed my cold lips and forehead.

''You look so peaceful, like you're just sleeping.

But why aren't you waking up then?'' he whispered, with his voice shaking again.

''I don't know how to live without you, please don't leave me here alone!'' he said now sobbing. I sat down on the floor, with my head on my knees, desperately pulling my hair, trying to feel anything else except for this horrifying anguish. I felt like I was being torn to pieces. But it was no use, I couldn't feel anything else.

''There's nothing like you in this world you know? Your hair, is somehow always soft and scented as if you had just washed it. Your milky white, porcelain skin always scared me a bit. It makes you look like a doll, but when I touch you it's just like silk… And your eyes….The way your smile compliments them, and lights them up in a whole new way. I thought just seeing you smile, with anyone will be enough. But when I'm the one that makes you smile…. That's when I'm the happiest…''

…

Then suddenly he smiled:

''Do you know I remember the night I proposed to you? I mean the first time?'' he said looking at me, carefully caressing my face.

''I just wanted to thank you for never telling me. And thank you for loving me all this time.''

I couldn't take it anymore, I was now screaming my lungs out, but of course nothing came out but silence.

That night, after the funeral and after he had rejected everyone's company, he came to the yard, and sat on our bench. His eyes were now completely different, scary even. There was not even a hint of the happy, energetic glow in them. His worry lines were gone, completely straightened, and he didn't look one bit like himself. He was so serious, it didn't suit him at all.

He just looked at the stars until the sun made them invisible with its beautiful shades of pink.

Watching him move around the house lifelessly, like a shadow, was unbearable. He sent away anyone who came to see him. He never yelled at either one of them, but patiently answered that he's fine, and that he needs some time alone.

He'd spend the day in our room, laying on our bed with his eyes closed. He didn't fall asleep once like that and the dark circles under his eyes were starting to dreadfully resemble mine. The bed was still sunken from when I was laying there. The only thing that changed was that he switched the pillows.

When he came back from the funeral, he stood at the door and took a deep breath: ''The entire house smells like you, but why is this room..'' he said barely out loud to himself, probably unawarely continuing a thought.

When the night would fall, he'd come out to the yard, water the tree and look at the stars all night.

I couldn't help but think how little luck he had. His awful childhood, always struggling, and growing up to lose the people he cared for most. And as if that wasn't enough, he falls in love with a girl who had a death sentence trailing her. I couldn't believe that me being gone was causing him this much pain. It's becoming harder and harder to believe that time will heal everything.

After another restless night, he got up and slowly walked to the kitchen. I was glad, he hasn't eaten in a while now. But something was different. He was almost smiling, and he looked somewhat happy. I wonder what had changed in the past few days. I've been here the whole time and didn't notice a thing. He didn't talk to anyone or leave the house at all.

I thought I'd be at peace when he seems to be happier, but somehow this felt wrong.

While walking to the counter with a drawer, he glanced at the calendar hanging on the wall. Today's date was circled. It completely slipped my mind- It was our anniversary. He was taking out a knife from the drawer, carefully examining it, and the sudden realization froze me.

No,no,no,no,no! Please let me be wrong, he couldn't be giving up this easily! I was shaking and I dropped on my knees.

Holding the knife he sat down and leaned against a wall, while starring at the calendar.

It all made sense now. This is why he wouldn't talk to anyone, he had already decided to do this, maybe even before my death.

He raised the knife and I started screaming, crying with no tears, telling him to stop, as if I didn't know he can't hear me.

''I don't know what happens next, but I hope I get to see you.. even though you'll probably be mad.''

No! I was now in front of him, desperately trying to move, push him, make him notice me, but my efforts were like those of a shadow. Why is his hand still moving, stop!

No,no,no,no…. Why can't I stop him, why am I here? I was squeezing my knees tightly against my chest, with my head firmly buried in them, still screaming.

Please make him stop, please don't let this happen.. Why can't I ever do anything? Don't die, don't die..

I heard a swift sound and quickly raised my head to see the blood slowly spreading, making a bigger and bigger puddle. I couldn't look away, though I wanted to. The pain would've killed me if I wasn't already dead. I was glad, I deserved it.

That idiot! He was smiling! And suddenly I realized he was looking back at me.

''I'm glad I got to see you again. Please don't cry..''

''I love you.'' he managed to murmur.

I was somehow crying my eyes out, and my arms were around him. I could almost feel him. I couldn't scream anymore, and with all my effort all I could do was say:

''I love you, I love you'' all over again, with my voice shaking and breaking every second. His eyes still focused on me, were now turned off. And just as I thought I wouldn't be able to stand the pain, something broke in me and the scene completely changed.

I was sitting on the bench, in his arms. It was like all that existed in this place was our small yard, it seemed to stretch out forever, unlimited. Except here, the cherry blossom was healthy and blooming and a soft breeze was guiding the petals all over this tiny world.

''Are you ok? Don't worry everything is fine now, you don't have to worry about anything anymore.'' he said putting his arms firmly around me again.

I couldn't believe it. It was really him. His eyes were so bright and warm again, just like when we were kids. Somehow the color of the sky would never be as bright and cheerful as his eyes. I couldn't deserve this happiness, to be able to feel him and his scent again. And the warmth he was radiating. But I was. No wonder I didn't feel good when he isn't with me. Who could live without the warmth of the Sun?

''I missed you so much'' I said sobbing into his shirt, afraid to let go of him. He mustn't leave again.

''I know, but now we can stay like this forever'' he said and kissed my hair.

**A/N: I'm not to pleased that I ended up writing a ghostish story, but I hope this last chapter came out ok (be kind I'm turning 18 today :) )**

**P.S. Sorry it's so much shorter than the rest**


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